My name is Amanda Diaz and I am a Puerto Rican woman who crawled through the trenches and found her voice. I want to tell you my story and share how Mamaspotion was born. Get ready because it’s one hell of a story.
My childhood memories are mostly distorted due to trauma and storing my pain. As a little girl I lived in a two-bedroom apartment in Sunset Park, Brooklyn with my mother, brother and former stepfather. I don’t remember how long we lived there, but I do know that it was the most difficult time in my life. I lived in fear of what would happen-- not knowing if me or my mother would be on the receiving end of physical and emotional abuse. The sound of the keys turning at the front door would fade my hearing and cause my heart to race. Knowing my stepfather was at the front door coming home from a day of work made me sick to my bones. I rarely saw my dad, except for visits to my grandmother’s house and the weekends he would pick me up. He too had his own demons and couldn’t always be there for me.
I felt isolated from the rest of my family, and I would often write letters asking if the angels around me could help save me from this household. I vividly remember slipping these letters under our neighbors’ doors or throwing them out the window in hope that someone would read them and save me from the house. No one came. We lived like this for years with fear. Fear of the consequences. Fear of no one believing me. Fear for my mother’s safety. Fear of being told to get over it. I lived my whole childhood in fear, but I always had hope. It was really all I had—and my love of plants.
Any chance I had; I would play in my grandfather’s wife’s gardens. I especially loved to play with the caterpillars. I would watch my grandma Leila water her house plants or play tag in my titi Maria’s backyard where she had the most beautiful flowers blooming. I knew I was safe anywhere there was a garden. I felt safe—as if my heart could rest. All my fears went away, and I always wondered why that was. Why do I always feel at peace around the flowers or just by simply touching my grandma mothers house plants?
I made so many poor choices through my teenage years and young adult years because I wasn’t heard, and my heart had stored all this trauma and pain. I said yes to things I wanted to say no to, and it led me to suffer greatly. My mind was a prison and I tried to commit suicide many times, but there was always a voice saying “ Amanda this is not your time. Trust me, I will guide you.”
I had my first daughter and immediately knew I had to heal my own and my ancestral trauma, I had to create a better world for her. I worked on myself tirelessly to heal, learn forgiveness, and to create a home my daughter didn’t have to heal from but could return to when she needed a safe place to be held and loved.
I worked as a makeup artist for several years, but I was still searching for my purpose. I enrolled in esthetician school shortly after having my second daughter. One of my teachers was a Chinese practitioner and I remember she showed us a YouTube video of an Rosemary Gladstar making an herbal body butter cream. Instantly I felt this intense energy which sparked this fire in me I never felt before.
I am sharing all of this to show you that I am just like you-- a fucking rose with its thorns. You are not alone, and my mission is to build a community for all that need healing using the magic of plants. I am on a journey to help heal the world because we all need it right now. I know firsthand that our trauma can lead to sickness if we don’t release them.
By bringing plant magic into everyone’s home, we can heal and be guided by intuition. Come on this journey of true healing of the mind, body and spirit. Welcome to Mamaspotion.